Chris Jackson Coaching

Ep #9: How to solve any problem in your life

Alrighty, I\’m back with you guys. Fingers crossed, we have the technology working for us. Let\’s see if I can see you guys and your comments. I\’m just going to dive in, and I\’m just going to trust that you guys can hear me okay. Anyway, I\’m just going to dive into it guys. Here we go. Tonight\’s Transformation Tuesday is all about how the problem is never the problem. So what this means is is that means that in life, we experience problems. We all have challenges. We all have limitations. We all have road blocks. We all have areas in our life that we want to improve, however typically what happens is the problem is very rarely actually the real problem, so what do I mean by that? Well I\’m going to collaborate, I\’m going to explore this and I\’m going to unpack this so we can explore and understand what\’s actually going on at the root cause of our problems. Hey Dora good to see you here, thanks for tuning in, let us know if you can hear me loud and clear Dora, swipe left to reveal comments, there we go so I should be able to see comments, so I\’ve got my comments turned on, give us a shout out Dora if you can hear me and see me okay, I trust this is coming through loud and clear, I\’m going to dive into some of the patterns of human behaviour tonight, some of the major limitations that we experience in life as a professional human being we\’re going to come across a lot of challenges, and the bigger the game we\’re playing in life the bigger the challenges we\’re going to experience, so that is one of the universal truths of life, is the bigger the challenge that we\’re setting for ourselves, the more that we\’re going for it in life, the more we are willing to challenge ourselves means the greater the challenge we\’re going to experience. So let\’s dive in guys, so I want to cover one of the first major patterns that people experience, and tell me if you can relate, is people pleasing, so for other people they will report this problem as something like, I feel like I\’m always just getting trodden on, I feel like I can never ask for what I want, I feel like I\’m always putting myself out, in reality what\’s actually going on, is something like I don\’t value myself enough to actually request or ask for what I want, I don\’t value myself to the degree such that I actually make demands or actually put my needs ahead of others, and therefore I play second fiddle to everyone else, and therefore I miss out, so what is it\’s ultimately a choice, and it\’s a choice to ultimately not put ourselves first, it\’s a choice to not value ourselves, so that actually what\’s going on beneath the scenes of people pleasing. Another example is someone who says that they just feel like they\’re holding back, I just feel like I\’m holding back in life, well holding back is simply code for I don\’t either trust myself to actually go for it, I may be afraid of rejection, I\’m afraid other people think, typically it\’s I\’m afraid of what someone else is going to say, I\’m afraid of the opinion of someone else, because I\’m now going to make that opinion means something about me, and it\’s now going to affect my self worth, so when someone says they\’re holding back, well there is something below the tip of the iceberg that\’s actually generating that holding themselves back, it\’s typically because they\’re outsourcing their sense of self worth, or they\’re outsourcing their opinion of themselves to the opinion of others, or maybe it\’s simply they don\’t trust themselves, they don\’t trust themselves to be able to handle what life is going to throw at them, which again comes back to a lack of self-worth, so most of these patterns I\’m going to be sharing with you all come back to a lack of self-worth, because if we truly valued ourself, if we truly loved ourself to the highest degree, we wouldn\’t let the opinions of others have anything to do with the degree of self worth that we actually experience, so that\’s one of the major clues, that\’s actually playing out when we actually contemplate the problems that are arising within us. So some other examples, and I trust you guys can hear me, for some reason my comments are not coming through, hey Dora can you hear me okay, let me know if you can hear me, hi Jess how are you doing? Cool, awesome so let\’s go a little deeper, a business owner might say I can\’t scale my business, hey Ali good to see you, a business owner might say the problem is I just hit my first million dollars and the Breakthrough that million dollar barrier, while the problem is not that they can\’t break through the million dollar barrier, the problem is not that they\’re not intelligent enough, the problem is not that their industry is too challenging, the problem is not that their business model is flawed, the problem is most likely they simply haven\’t taken the time to actually master marketing, or sales, or operations or referral strategies, or one of the other categories within their business, hey I\’m not sure how to pronounce your name, Prianka good to see you here, hi Dora good to see you, so typically when a business owner presents their symptom which is I can\’t break through my million dollar barrier, what I do is I then say is it leadership, is it operationally, is that you\’re at maximum capacity, is it that you haven\’t got an automated systematised lead generation system, is it that you have customers that are wanting to do business with you but you\’re not able to close the deal, so you\’re not able to communicate influence or command and project your authority or sense of certainty, is it that you are procrastinating and wasting time, is it because you lack a sense of self worth, is it because you lack a sense of motivation, hey Jess good to see you here, is it because you lack the ability to communicate and influence and lead the team of people that are under you, to actually get the best out of them so they can actually get the work done when you\’re not there, so what sits below the surface of something like I can scale my business, is actually disfunction on multiple levels, where it\’s not actually the problem, typically it always goes back to internal, it always goes back to what is it within an entrepreneur, what is it within a business owner such as they can\’t get the result that they want, what is the action, or what is the expression that they\’re wanting to make or take that they feel like they are inhibited or can\’t express themselves such as they can\’t get a result in their business. So I always link it back to one of the major dimensions of business, where is the dysfunction, is in marketing, is it you haven\’t got a lead generation system, is it in sales, is that you don\’t have the ability to influence authentically or communicate, is it the ability to have the operational capacity to deliver that product or service to the degree that you want, is it leadership, is it you don\’t have the ability to lead or inspire your team. So again, the problem is never the problem, another beautiful example is something like fear of public speaking, someone says I\’m afraid of public speaking, well fear of public speaking is not the problem, the problem is a lack of self worth, and I\’ll tell you why, because if we are willing to outsource our sense of self-worth to the opinion of someone else, which is ultimately if we are afraid of speaking in public, what we\’re actually doing is saying what I\’m now doing is I\’m now buying into, taking on the opinion of someone else are the thoughts or the perspectives of someone else and I\’m now going to buy into that, so it\’s externalising my sense of validation of myself through other people, so it\’s not a fear of public speaking, it is, what the programme that we are running is, is I am outsourcing myself to your opinion and based on what you perceive me, or your judgement or your opinion, I\’m now going to then decide how much I want to value myself or how I\’m going to feel, so I\’m now buying into this external reality, rather than actually deciding to create my own internal reality, so that\’s what\’s actually going on with fear of public speaking. Another example is I don\’t have enough money, a lot of people say I don\’t have enough money, or I can\’t earn enough money, now the reality is that it\’s got nothing to do with not having enough money, or can\’t earn enough money, what usually happens is how is this, how are you choosing to run an unsuccessful wealth creation strategy, because there\’s people that earn very very little but manage to save a lot and do very very well, and there\’s also people that earn a lot and manage to squander the whole lot of it, so you\’re probably familiar with this, a lot of stories about people who win the lotto, most of them, a large percentage of people who win the lotto they actually squander it, and they actually lose most of it within a couple of years according to statistics, so again what we find here is there\’s thought patterns, there\’s fears, there is ingrained belief systems that are actually playing out here, so the key question we can actually ask yourself to recover, where we\’re not taking responsibility, is how am I choosing to run an unsuccessful wealth creation strategy, or how am I choosing not to value myself such as I\’m going to charge my worth, or pursue a career, or pursue a business, or grow my business grow my career such as I\’m paid what I\’m worth, or maybe just maybe there is a belief there floating around something like I don\’t believe there\’s enough money to go around, or maybe it\’s something like if I have a lot of money then someone else is going to miss out, or if I have money that\’s greedy, or money is the root of all evil, so again all of these are simply just made up beliefs, and these are the beliefs that striving the situation that\’s been created, which is I don\’t have enough money, but it\’s actually all the way back up the chain, all the way back up the strategy, the internal mental belief system strategy, is that we\’re either not worthy, we\’re either not motivated enough or we have got limited conflicting beliefs or conflicting values about freedom and money, so the problem is never the problem, the problem is always the belief at the mindset level, that the origin that\’s the source of all problems, and that\’s what I\’m pointing out with you guys this evening, hi Lynn, hi Heidi, good to see you guys here. And I\’m going to jump onto the next one, which is another common limiting belief, or another common roadblock a lot of people experience, which is I\’m not good enough, now I\’m not good enough, let\’s actually look what\’s beneath that, hey Paul good to see you here mate, is it that we\’re not good enough, or is it that we\’re simply making the choice in that moment to not value being willing to go on a learning journey, to go on a journey of expanding our skill set, because I would say I\’m not good enough is just a copout, I would say that\’s actually a covert way of saying, well I actually don\’t care about this enough, or I don\’t trust myself enough, or I\’m not willing to be courageous to embrace the unfamiliar, or I simply failed to recognise that I can learn this if I\’m willing to invest the time the energy and the resources and be resilient in order to learn this, so again I\’m not good enough is not actually accurate, a better way of saying that might be I don\’t have the skill set to execute this right now, however if I was to invest the time the energy and the resources in developing that skill set then I could, so that\’s a much more accurate description, just like when someone says I can\’t afford it, again this is the ultimate copout, because someone says I can\’t afford it, and can\’t afford it, again is covert for, people just spurt this out constantly, oh I can\’t afford it, but when you say I can\’t afford it, it\’s very disempowering, the more accurate way to say this is, I\’m choosing to not prioritise investing funds or money or borrowing money in order to invest in this activity because it doesn\’t align with the greater good of what I\’m looking for now, that\’s a much more empowering way to say I can\’t afford it, rather than saying I can\’t afford it, so the thing about this is so many people in life Will invest they might say for example go to a bank, and they might take out a loan or half a million dollars just to buy a house, so when it comes to a house we\’re willing to go to a bank and take out half a million dollars just simply to buy a bit of real estate, however when it comes to someone say someone investing in their mindset or investing in themselves or investing in something else, when that excuse comes up it\’s like well you weren\’t going to the bank to get a loan for 500,000 dollars there, are you weren\’t willing to get a personal loan for that, so what was going on there, the only difference is the value that we are placing on that activity, so the most empowering way of approaching that when we\’re thinking can I afford it, is actually saying what is the value of this, what is the value I\’m placing on this right now, and does it align with my greatest good, does it align with my values, is this value worth it, and if it\’s not worth it then don\’t say I can\’t afford it, say I\’m not placing a high enough value on this right now to prioritise sacrificing or moving mountains within my personal life or my personal finances to make this work, so it\’s a much more empowering perspective, and it also accurate. Another big one here is I\’m too busy, or I don\’t have enough time, and if you guys can relate to this one let me know, because again I call bullshit on this one as well, is to say I\’m too busy or I don\’t have enough time, everyone\’s got the same amount of time in the day, Richard Branson and Tony Robbins and Elon Musk, they\’ve all got the same amount of time in the average day as us, so it\’s not about not having enough time, I don\’t have enough time or I\’m too busy, again the empowering way to approach that is to say right now I\’m choosing to prioritise my time in these and these in these areas, which means that that which I\’m thinking about doing isn\’t actually important, so what is important to us is ultimately going to occupy our time, our energy and resources, so if something is not important enough for us to spend time on it, don\’t say I\’m too busy I don\’t have time, saying I\’m choosing not to prioritise my life with that activity right now, because these activities are much more important, and I\’m consciously choosing to spend time on those instead, a much more empowering situation, a much more powerful and empowering way of commanding a reality, so these are really subtle distinctions, these are really powerful, these are really impactful, because what this is doing is this is taking the responsibility back, this is taking the power back over our reality, and it\’s ultimately putting us back in control, and putting us at cause to the reality that we are creating, and it\’s saying I\’m choosing to do this or choosing to not do this. Another example is I can\’t lose weight, so a lot of people say I can\’t lose weight, the covert excuse or the actual real problem beneath that is how am I choosing to drown my emotions right now, to not deal with what\’s actually going on in my life, such that and go not basically hide, or another one is how am I choosing to not exercise, how am I choosing to not take on the knowledge the wisdom and the information available and take action on that, how am I choosing to not prioritise my health, and how am I choosing to prioritise something else, so again it\’s not that I can\’t lose weight, you can lose weight, you just simply need to do this this and this in the process will unfold, it simply will why are we choosing to not do that, how are we choosing to not take responsibility, so another example is it\’s hard to find good stuff, I speak to a lot of business owners who say it\’s too hard to find good staff, well is it that it\’s too hard to find good staff, or is it that you just have a belief that it\’s difficult to find good staff, which means you don\’t have to take responsibility for putting in the effort to have a fantastic phenomenal culture, to create a business that has a reputation of excellence and you can attract the best staff, maybe it\’s that you haven\’t created a culture or a team that people want to stick around, maybe you haven\’t created a high-performance culture, which means that staff come and go, and you\’re going it was all of them, it\’s not me it\’s them, so again as an entrepreneur or as a business owner, the highest form of responsibility comes when we actually recognise we have a part to play, we need to take responsibility, we need to be at cause, we need to recognise how we have contributed to that situation, so instead of saying it\’s hard to find good staff, we need to say well what is it, is it that I haven\’t created a culture of high performance in my organisation, such that people want to stay, or that people are attracted to me, such that my team recommend other high performers to come and join my team, so again is it about that it\’s hard to find good staff, or is it that maybe our leadership isn\’t up to scratch, maybe the culture of our business, maybe the operations, the systems within the business aren\’t set up, maybe the recruitment strategy was flawed, maybe we\’re simply not investing the time, the energy and the resources to educate ourselves in that area, so there\’s a lot of different facets and functions that are going on, where if we were to take true responsibility for the situation the cause of that lies multiple levels deeper than most people are aware of, and as Einstein said, the problem can\’t be solved with the same level of thinking that created the problem, so we need to be able to outthink ourselves, we need to be able to transform our thinking to recognise how do I take responsibility for this challenge, and how do I personally take responsibility for it, so this is ultimately about personal responsibility, we could outsource that responsibility to someone else, but that\’s very disempowering, because now we are relying on someone else, so what we need to do is to the maximum degree possible, take responsibility for the problem, and the genesis of that problem where it\’s been created, and when we can take responsibility from our perspective, that is when we have true empowerment, that is where we can actually do something about it, because if it\’s someone else\’s fault, if we\’re blaming someone else if if it\’s always something outside of us, then there\’s nothing we can do about it, it\’s a very disempowering way to live our life, when something is always someone else\’s fault, or it\’s out there, it\’s out there and we can\’t change that, so we need to recognise where do we need to control, where do we need to take responsibility, and really create different behaviour and different belief systems within us to really create transformation. So that\’s the key challenge and that\’s the key point I wanted to make here, is all of these problems that I\’ve just spoken about, this is all about taking responsibility, this is all about recognising whereabouts within us can we internalise and take responsibility for that challenge rather than placing the blame outside of ourselves, and again it\’s not even about blame, it\’s about taking responsibility, even just that word blame, blame implies that someone\’s done something wrong, but how about we take out the word blame, and how about we just say take responsibility, which is the ability to respond, it\’s the ability to take action, it\’s the ability to notice something is not unfolding exactly the way we want it to be, and say what adjustments do I need to make within the process, in the flow within me or within my environment in order to create a different result. There are some of the most powerful ones I wanted to bring to your awareness, and there\’s thousands of these, literally on a daily basis I have conversations with clients where there\’s thousands of excuses thousands of problems but the problem is never the problem, the problem is and I\’ll give you another example, procrastination, a lot of people say the problem is procrastination, my problem is I\’m procrastinating, well I\’ve got news for you the problem is not actually procrastination, the problem is something like typically the most common causes of procrastination I approached on a daily basis is people that are just disconnected with their purpose, so it\’s not that they\’re procrastinating, it simply they don\’t have a purpose, they aren\’t connected with the reason why there doing something, maybe they are afraid of failing, so they have this fear of failure, they have this fear of judgement , maybe even a fear of success, and that\’s the reason why they\’re procrastinating, so procrastination is a downstream consequence, procrastination is very much just this after-effect, so the procrastination is the result, the root cause of procrastination is fear of failure, fear of success, fear of judgement , fear of rejection, lack of or disconnection with purpose, or overwhelm, there\’s a lot of different causes of procrastination, so trying to just treat the procrastination doesn\’t work, we need to actually understand what\’s driving that, what\’s at the root cause, what\’s underneath the tip of the iceberg that driving that. Hi Shane good to see you here brother, and as I said before, fear of public speaking, it\’s not fear of public speaking that\’s the problem, it is our concern or our consideration for placing a level of opinion on someone else\’s judgement about us and our self-worth, so that\’s what\’s actually going on for fear of public speaking. Hey Dora I got your question in, why is it you can be so focused and take responsibility in one or two areas of life, however struggle with applying the same principles in other areas of life? Awesome questioned Dora thank you, so yes what this can come down to is a number of different factors, so typically when we\’re taking responsibility in one or two areas of life really, really well, that means that those areas of life will be important, and again without understanding the context behind this, and maybe you might be able to give me some insights into the areas Dora, but typically what\’s happening here is your core values, or the areas of life that are most important to you you will prioritise those, they will essentially be where you\’re willing, that\’s what creates motivation for you, it\’s what you\’re willing to allocate resources, time, energy and money towards, so the other areas of life, the other areas I assuming you\’re talking about, they might be areas that are not important to you, or not as important to you, so what that means is there\’s not as much motivation there, your standards that you\’ve got, in terms of the standards or the expectations that you\’ve got for yourself and how they\’re playing out, the standards will be lower, and maybe just the care factor isn\’t quite there, so again it\’s recognising that this is quite a complex issue, in terms of what\’s actually driving our motivation, but it\’s identifying if there are areas that we don\’t have that same level of responsibility, what\’s beneath that, typically they\’ll be limiting beliefs, there is a belief system that is going on there, there might be fears, there might be a lack of motivation, there might be a lack of purpose, there might be a lack of connection with the benefit of improving that area of our life, so again it can happen on multiple different levels, where there are limiting beliefs, there are fears, there\’s all sorts of patterns and conditioning that\’s playing out that\’s preventing us from really maximising that area of our life, so I trust that answers your question Dora. I\’m going to keep this one super short and sharp guys, thank you guys so much for tuning in to Transformation Tuesday, I\’m going to put up a note sheet for those of you who want to download a cheat sheet, a worksheet, and I\’ve also got my webinar coming up this Thursday, you\’re welcome Dora, I\’ve got my webinar coming up which is NLP training, so it\’s coming up this Thursday Perth time, 6 PM Eastern Standard Time 8 PM, for those of you that want to understand more about what I\’m sharing, Most of what I\’m sharing originate from neuro-linguistic programming, it\’s the field of psychology of coaching and of ultimate empowerment that I have been practising and training in and teaching people coaching my clients in for a number of years now, so for those of you who would love to learn more about this field of science, the conversation I\’m having, this is the conversation you will be able to have when you understand these concepts and these principles in neurolinguistic programming but I am teaching in training, so if you\’re interested in learning more please click the link and register to jump on the call on Thursday, and I\’m going to take this multiple levels deeper, and share with you and unpack how do you actually do this, how to coach people, how to understand their problems, how to diagnose the root cause, how to understand what\’s the actual problem not what the surface level problem, so if this resonates with you, and you would like to learn more, please click the link, I would love to see you in the class, it\’s totally free, and I look forward to seeing you guys there until next Tuesday, until next Transformation Tuesday wishing you guys a wonderful week, thank you guys for jumping on, thanks Dora, thanks Shane, Paul, Heidi, Lee and Jess, good to see all you guys here, wishing you a great evening, I\’ll speak to you again soon, bye for now.

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