Chris Jackson Coaching

Ep #13: How to overcome the fear of public speaking

Happy Transformation Tuesday, guys. How are you? Tonight I\’m going to dive deep into some of the major obstacles to progress and this is going to be powerful because pretty much any problem that we have in life, we can distil it down to two major categories and then within those categories we can then distil it down into some major patterns and major problems that are really quite simple to solve. So, stay tuned, I\’m going to be solving some of the major problems, such as: Why do we lack clarity? Why do we lack motivation? Sometimes, why do we hold ourselves back? Why do we fear failure? Why do we fear success? Why do we do perfectionism? Why are we afraid of things like public speaking? I\’m going to unpack and explain the root cause of why we experience these things and give a bit of clarity as to how to overcome these and what to do about it. Also, at the end of this video, I\’m also going to give you guys a chance to win a competition. I\’m going to give away two NLP Practitioner training courses. This is a five-day training. These are valued at $3500 each and I\’m going to give away two of them. So if you want to get in the draw to win some incredible training, NLP training, then stay tuned and I\’m going to announce the details at the end of this video. So, let\’s dive in. Now, let\’s look at the two major categories of problems that we have in life and if you guys are jumping on watching the replay, give us a shout out. If you\’re watching live, say hello. I\’d love to get your questions, love to get your comments as we go through and I\’ll do my best to answer them as we go through. So there\’s two major, hey Dora, hey Elena, good to see you guys there. There\’s two major challenges that we have in life. Now we have purpose-based problems and we have fear-based problems. So let\’s start with purpose-based problems. Purpose-based problems are things like lack of motivation, lack of clarity, laziness, poor work ethic, distraction, overwhelm, that sort of thing. So we have purpose-based problems, which prevent us from being motivated and driven to create results in our life. So that\’s the first category. Second category is we have fear-based problems. Now, fear-based problems are things like not speaking your truth, lack of authenticity, worrying what others are going to say about us or think about us or perfectionism. Hey Diddy, hi Champion, how you doing here? Hey Dora, good to see you guys there. Perfectionism is another example of fear-based problems. Fear of public speaking, fear of being found out, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success. So these sorts of problems fit into the category of fear-based problems. So let\’s start with looking at some of the purpose-based problems and why we experience them. First of all, lack of motivation is one of the common problems that a lot of people experience. Why am I not motivated? Why do I not care about this? Well, the number one reason for lack of motivation is people are disconnected with their life\’s purpose and it doesn\’t even necessarily have to be their life\’s purpose. It could just be if, for example, if you\’re lacking motivation in your work or your career. It\’s generally because there is a disconnection for the reason why you\’re doing something. So if you don\’t have a strong connection or reason why or purpose for what you\’re doing, then there is no motivation there. The thing about motivation is, when we\’re following something that we feel a purpose for, following something where we have a reason why we\’re doing something, that is the ultimate driver of motivation. So if we\’re not motivated, it means we haven\’t accessed a deeper why, a deeper purpose of why we\’re doing something. Same thing, or similar thing with lack of clarity. Again, this is a purpose-based problem. If we have a lack of clarity, i.e. I don\’t know what to do, I\’m not sure which option I should select, then what it comes down to is it comes down to a lack of awareness about, first of all, what our purpose really is, but then also what\’s important to us. So if we don\’t know what to do, it\’s because we haven\’t got clarity on our priorities. We don\’t understand, well, what\’s the most important thing to do? We haven\’t got a values compass, we call it our core values. We haven\’t got clear, well, what are our values? What\’s important in this area? And so therefore, if we don\’t know what\’s important, we\’re not able to make a decision. When we have a crystal clear values compass, we have an idea about the sequence and order of, well, what of all things are important right now, and I now have a framework to be able to make decisions. So that\’s the reason why we lack clarity. Laziness. Laziness is another core problem that a lot of people experience. Laziness ultimately comes down to having low standards. Laziness is not caring enough about your life such that you tolerate mediocrity. Now I\’ve done mediocrity before, I\’ve done laziness before and the antidote to laziness really is caring about your life. It\’s raising our standards. Same thing with poor work ethic or being distracted or being overwhelmed. To a large degree, the reason why we have poor work ethic or laziness is because we have low standards. We just simply haven\’t set the bar high enough and we\’re indulging in mediocrity. So that\’s a really powerful thing you\’ve got to recognise. We got to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves and make sure our standards are to the degree that we\’re going to be able to follow through and create the goals that we want in our life and create the life we want. Now, distraction. I said distraction is also a purpose-based problem, because for a lot of people, being distracted again comes down to not having clarity about what we truly want, not having standards about focusing on what we want and not having connection to our purpose such that, when there is distractions, we\’re willing to overpower them, we\’re willing to say, no, my life\’s purpose, my purpose in business, my purpose in my family, my purpose in whatever part of my life, is so important, I\’m not willing to let anything distract me from my mission. So again, it comes back to purpose. It comes back to caring about our life so much, we\’re not willing to entertain or, again, indulge in the things that are not important. Same thing with overwhelm. Overwhelm comes down, to a degree, to not having a system in place, not having, again, not having a prioritised framework for how we want to implement something. So the structure for overwhelm, is to look at all of the things we want to do in life and just see so much that we want to do that we get overwhelmed. We just see so much there and we just do nothing. Now, unless we\’re doing perfectionism. Perfectionism fits into fear-based problems, I\’ll cover that next, or it might fit into just simply not knowing what to do next. So overwhelm, the structure to do overwhelm, is to focus on everything at once. If you focus on everything at once, you\’ll do overwhelm. As opposed to, if you have that list and you number them all and you go, alright, that\’s the most important, then I\’m going to do that, then I\’m going to do that, and you just look at the first thing on the list. That\’s the way to avoid overwhelm. Now let\’s look at fear-based problems. Fear-based problems are things like worrying about what other people are going to think or say about us. So, for example, lack of authenticity, not speaking your truth, worrying about what others are going to say about us, fear of public speaking, fear of rejection, fear of criticism, fear of being found out, fear of failure, fear of success. All of those fears, they are derived out of our ego wanting to protect ourselves, and what\’s unfolding here with all of these patterns and all these problems and challenges, is things like fear of public speaking. All it is, is that it\’s outsourcing how we want to feel about ourselves based on the opinion of someone else. Same thing of rejection. If we have a fear of rejection, the root cause of this problem is us relying on someone else\’s opinion of us or someone else saying yes to us to validate our worthiness. So the real root cause here of any fear-based problems is a lack of trust in ourself, lack of worthiness and a lack of the ability to stand in our authority and own our life, be the authentic expression of ourselves, regardless of who agrees with it, regardless of whatever anyone says, and regardless of the feedback that we get from it. So any of the fear-based problems that we\’re experiencing that I\’ve just mentioned, you can trace that all back to lack of worthiness, lack of standing in our authority, lack of energetically owning our life and saying, well, there are going to be people that have opinions of us, but I\’m not going to let the external circumstances of my life determine how I choose to feel about my internal world. So we need to distance ourselves and recognise, well there\’s an external reality playing out and then I\’m creating an internal reality inside, I\’m playing my own internal movie, that\’s now adding subtitles, I\’m now adding internal dialogue, I\’m now adding fear over the top of what I\’m watching in my life. So the key here is recognising if we\’re indulging in a fear-based problem, such as fear of rejection, fear of criticism. What we\’re doing here, is we\’re saying, if you like me, then I like me. If you happen to be having a great day, and you agree with what I\’m saying and you let me know that, then I feel good. Bad news is, if someone else says something we don\’t particularly like, then, if we\’ve outsourced our self-worth to the opinion of someone else, it\’s not going very well. It\’s not going well at all. So we need to stand in our authority and have a robust sense of self-worth that\’s not dependent on the opinion of others. It\’s not dependent on anything that happens in our external world and choosing to have worthiness, choosing to stand in our authority, choosing to love ourselves, yes, choosing to love ourselves no matter what\’s going in your external world. Now, yes, this isn\’t necessarily a simple decision of just saying, oh, I\’m just going to decide to love myself today. But what it is, it\’s a decision that says, I\’m going to develop practises, habits, cultivate rituals, I\’m going to do all the internal work ongoingly, on a daily basis, on an hourly basis, on a moment by moment basis, maintaining the connection with myself, reminding myself and developing every single practise and ritual that I can possibly think of that trains my unconscious mind ongoingly to override all the patterns that have happened in our life all the way up to now, to override the pattern of relying on someone saying something about us or getting external validation in order to feel worthy. Because if we\’re relying on that external validation, well, as soon as that source disappears, as soon as someone has a bad day or as soon as the people that are giving you validation or supporting you, as soon as that dies out, or as soon as that goes quiet, if we\’re relying on that for our validation, for our worthiness, it\’s fraught, it\’s doomed to fail. So we need to stand guard at the door of our mind and recognising where we\’re outsourcing any of our worthiness to other people, and we need to stand firm and say, I am worthy, I am going to love myself. I don\’t need the opinion of anyone else to validate who and what I am, \’cause I know who and what I am. So this is the core pattern. This needs to be cultivated, this needs to be created, this needs to be developed and we need to be very, very meticulous with the internal dialogue that\’s happening inside our mind. We need to pay attention to every single thought, every single pattern that we\’re playing out inside our mind, because the thoughts that we have, we\’re conditioning belief systems and if we\’re not aware of the thoughts that are playing out in our mind, then it\’s like the metaphor of letting a child run through a house with knives or scissors. So we need to be very, very careful of the thoughts that we are executing, because all those thoughts are getting sent to our own conscious mind. All those thoughts are getting sent to every cell of our body, through all the neurotransmitter that\’s in our body. So we are sending all of those thought patterns to every single part of our body and we are embedding and installing and integrating belief systems at the deepest unconscious level through every thought that we have. So we need to override them, we need to transform them, we need to cultivate and curate the most positive and self-worth-affirming commands to ourself on a daily basis, to override all the conditioning, because the conditioning is there from the moment that we start walking, from the moment that, literally the moment we start walking as a toddler, we are getting external validation of worthiness. Our parents say, oh, well done, little Johnny, you\’re walking, oh, so good, clap, clap, clap. So we start getting taught straight away, if I get recognition from my parents, ah, I\’m loved, I\’m special. However, we\’ve got to recognise that, as adults, we need to be our own booster, we need to stand guard at the door of our mind and not be reliant on any external validation to assert and to remind ourselves of our worthiness. Because we are worthy, we always have been worthy. We are good enough, we always will be good enough and we are lovable and we are loved, regardless of whatever happens in reality, the external reality that we\’re observing. So, this is the key pattern, this is the key to transforming our worthiness and this is the key that feeds into all these fear-based problems. So if you\’re not speaking your truth, you\’ve got to look at, well, where am I outsourcing the opinion of myself to whether someone approves of what I\’m saying or not. So maybe we\’re not speaking our truth. Maybe we\’re not actually being honest because we\’re afraid of what someone else is going to say to us. Maybe the reason why we\’re holding back on the business or the reason why we\’re not actually going for something what we want to create in life, is because maybe we\’re waiting to be perfect, because we\’re afraid that if we get it a little bit wrong, someone\’s going to judge us. So if we\’re worried about the judgement of others, again, we\’re outsourcing our self-worth to the opinion of others, which means we\’re going to be holding back, which means, boom boom, you\’re going to put your dreams, your life on hold and probably going to slow down the creation of your dream by maybe 10 or 20 years. We\’ve got to be super aware of what\’s actually unfolding and what\’s the root cause of our problem. The root cause of, so, for example, if you\’re indulging in perfectionism, the root cause of that is not saying, well, I\’m a perfectionist. The root cause of that is saying, well, you\’re afraid of what other people think of you, so you\’re not willing to even play the game of life. So there you go, so you have a lack of courage, you have a lack of willingness to get out there and have a go and you\’re worried about what other people think of you. So that\’s really what perfectionism is. Same thing as fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success. All of it is outsourcing our worthiness to whatever someone else is thinking about us. So we need to reverse this pattern and it\’s not necessarily easy to reverse this pattern, but we\’ve got to start by becoming aware of it and then we\’ve got to start transforming our thought patterns, our processes and our awareness of when that pattern is playing out, and we need to stand in our authority. We need to remind ourselves that we are worthy, we are enough, we are good enough, we are lovable and that\’s just the fact. The fact is that we are worthy, we just need to decide that that\’s the truth, and then we need to remind ourselves through present state awareness and consciousness, whenever those experiences are arising, we need to identify them as they\’re arising and go, ah, I\’m doing this thing where I\’m outsourcing my worthiness to someone else. Ah, I\’m doing my perfection pattern again, which means I\’m concerned about what someone else it thinking about me. Ah, cool, so we can catch ourselves out and we can override the pattern. So that\’s how we do it. We need to become aware of the pattern before we can change it. If we\’re not aware of these patterns, for example, if it just exists as perfectionism or if it just exists as, say, laziness or if it just exists as, oh, well, I\’m not motivated. If we don\’t understand the root cause of this, we\’re never going to progress, we\’re never going to move forward. This is so incredibly powerful to understand what is the root cause of my problem right now? What\’s the real root cause? Not what\’s the surface level cause. And it fits into those two broad categories generally. Purpose-based problems or fear-based problems. So, that is a big chunk of information, I know. However, when we become aware of is the problem I\’m experiencing right now, is it purpose-based or is it fear-based? Is it based out of me lacking clarity, me lacking awareness about my core values, me having low standards or me not caring about my life? Or is it derived out of my ego operating and me being afraid of the opinion of others, afraid of what\’s unfolding and not trusting myself and not having worthiness or a degree of self-love? So they\’re the two problems, they\’re the two categories that they generally fit into. I trust that helps, guys. I\’m going to keep this really short and sharp for tonight, for tonight\’s Transformation Tuesday. For those of you that would like to go into the draw to win a five-day NLP Practitioner training course, it\’s valued at $3500 per ticket, I\’m going to give away two of these. I want you to drop a comment in this saying NLP, baby, yes please. So drop that comment in if you want to go in the draw to win a five-day NLP training course. Please drop the comment in there and I\’m going to announce the winner in the next couple of weeks after I\’ve run my NLP Master Class. So, if this resonates with you and you would love to come to a training, please enter the competition and I look forward to seeing you guys again for the next Transformation Tuesday. As always, guys, lots of love and I\’ll see you again very soon. Wish you all the best, see you guys.

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